Brave.
Alone I am not brave.
I fear both the present and the future for my older son. The more I research and read posts from other parents seeking answers and understanding the greater the fear grows. At times it is hard to breathe. There is no cure and most children with similar diagnoses have really depressing lifelong battles. I have been brought to the end of myself and then some. Parenting a child with special needs wasn't anything I ever asked for or planned.
Yet.
As I look up with whatever I have left in my heart and trust that God has a plan for our son. A plan that is for his good and ours. I slowly dare myself to hope. Hope that the life verse that we claimed for our son nearly 9 years ago are still true. Hope that God is just as powerful as I imagined He could be. Hope that moving forward and continuing to raise this surprising and challenging boy will bless his life and the lives of our 4 other children. Hope that God will sustain the godly people that are healthy and safe friends for us.
Grin.
This boy that has kicked holes in many walls. Punched and spat in my face. He camly jumps rope and asks me to count how far he can go. 8 jumps and then a miss as he laughs it off while he tries again. This boy of both sorrow and rage. An anger that is inexplicable and uncontrollable to all but You God. He runs over to me and for the third time in a week gives me a hug instead of the hit I am used to.
Brave.
How I want to be brave!
Alone I am a coward waiting for the thunderous rage to begin. Wondering how long before the next storm begins and how to repair the damage left behind in our hearts. How I want to be free and honor you God during our sons violent rages. I want to show my daughters that love doesn't hurt and my other son to cherish his one day-way-way-in-the-future-may-not-be-born-yet wife. I am trusting and hoping in you God to be brave.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. NIV
Friday, January 16, 2015
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Abide
Abide.
Abide in me.
Apart from me you can do nothing.
Abide. The being with God as He is doing.
Abide. He is joy and peace.
Abide.
Abide in me.
Apart from me you can do nothing.
Abide. The being with God as He is doing.
Abide. He is joy and peace.
Abide.
Friday, October 24, 2014
His Grace IS tasty
Crowder's song Come As You Are.
Come out...
Come find your mercy...
...come home you are not too far...
There's hope.
Come sit...
Come taste the grace.
Maybe this is what another David tasted in Psalm 34?
Today I choose His grace.
His grace IS tasty.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Rusty, but still works
We took a loooong break from blogging and formal ministry. Grateful
that Our Daddy does not need or ever takes a break. Sometimes He allows
us to see and experience glimpses of Himself.
His provision as wells are dug and meals are distributed hundreds of miles away.
His timing as a much needed vehicle is presented one Sunday morning.
His steadfast love expressed through a rose to the widows.
His respite for weary parents in an afternoon of free childcare.
His gentle touch as the feet of the homeless are cleaned.
His words as a mother speaks for her daughter who cannot.
His restoration as a vow is renewed.
His beauty, shamelessly radiant and deeper than congenital defects or surgical scars.
His compassion as a body partners to sponsor children.
His strong joy that sustains while trials rage.
His gift of family as an orphan becomes a son.
Sometimes we've misunderstood and expected sunflowers when He's planted daisies. Sometimes we were too distracted by the rocks that we chose to carry or the blisters we did not allow Him to heal. And sometimes, we just got tired and left the tools and the field.
Still He calls,
Still He loves,
Still He reminds us that the rake gets rusty, but still works.
His provision as wells are dug and meals are distributed hundreds of miles away.
His timing as a much needed vehicle is presented one Sunday morning.
His steadfast love expressed through a rose to the widows.
His respite for weary parents in an afternoon of free childcare.
His gentle touch as the feet of the homeless are cleaned.
His words as a mother speaks for her daughter who cannot.
His restoration as a vow is renewed.
His beauty, shamelessly radiant and deeper than congenital defects or surgical scars.
His compassion as a body partners to sponsor children.
His strong joy that sustains while trials rage.
His gift of family as an orphan becomes a son.
Sometimes we've misunderstood and expected sunflowers when He's planted daisies. Sometimes we were too distracted by the rocks that we chose to carry or the blisters we did not allow Him to heal. And sometimes, we just got tired and left the tools and the field.
Still He calls,
Still He loves,
Still He reminds us that the rake gets rusty, but still works.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
"Don't Try So Hard."
We love our kiddos because they are ours. Their behaviors and attitudes may change how enjoyable it is to be around them, but the love remains.
Blessings and boundaries. Growth and guidance. Beauty and brokenness. So many experiences in our parenting journey leading to these fab five children.
"You don't have to try so hard." The many times I've said this to my children, yet I did not believe this was a truth for me too.
In this transition and during this gift of time. Now.
"Aubrey, don't try so hard."
I hear His voice. Father, you are so good.
Romans 8
Don't Try So Hard
Amy Grant & James Taylor
Blessings and boundaries. Growth and guidance. Beauty and brokenness. So many experiences in our parenting journey leading to these fab five children.
"You don't have to try so hard." The many times I've said this to my children, yet I did not believe this was a truth for me too.
In this transition and during this gift of time. Now.
"Aubrey, don't try so hard."
I hear His voice. Father, you are so good.
Romans 8
Don't Try So Hard
Amy Grant & James Taylor
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