Your Mom in Progress

Dear Dumpling,
I am a mom in progress, and God is not done with me yet. Your sisters & I have been working on a school assignment that looks back at the early years, or the way you were then.  It was easy to get your biggest sister's information and birth story as she was born to us, but a bit harder for your other sister. She, like you wasn't born to us and we have only information that was passed to us or pictures taken before adoption to go by. I try hard to spare details that are confusing or sad, but Sweet Dumpling, by now you already have experienced more than your share of confusing and sad details. I am very grateful for the birthmothers, Prayer Moms and foster moms that took care of your sister, brother and you when we couldn't. It is still a little sad.

Sometimes I feel sad about what I missed out on too. I wasn't there for 4 of my children's birthdays and many of their firsts. I don't have newborn pictures or much from the time before your older sister came into care. I am grateful for her foster family especially my sweet friend, Tracy, that loved her and created a lifebook and helpful record for us.  My heart broke a little when your sister asked about her birth pictures and what she was like as a baby. She got misty eyed, but as is her way wouldn't let the tears drop. I've requested early pictures for her, but have been unable to get them. I know that her birthfamily is hurting and missing her too, but at times like this it is hard for me to feel grace. As your sister leaned into me for a big Katy hug, I tried not to let her see my eyes were misty too.

I got kind of frustrated with the teacher for giving me a paper that wasn't sensitive to adoption. I struggled to find something already created that I could just print off and use for school. It was a homeschool day and really hard for me to share one computer with 3 kids while trying to make a special day worksheet. We love all of the teachers that we've had and especially the way so many teachers have been so good to all of our family. I know that when I was a teacher, I didn't think much about adoption when I was making lesson plans. I'm pretty sure that God was teaching me more through this assignment than I was teaching your sisters.

We worked together to come up with a special day that your sister could use for her assignment. We decided to use her gotcha day and talk about what she was like then. We had fun looking through old family pictures especially the pictures where they are both wearing pullups. But we decided not to use these pictures to share with the class:) It was really sweet to look back at what your sisters were like then and we had some big laughs.

I thought about some special days in my life and smiled about what God has done for me, your mom in progress.

I love you,
Mom