These past few months have been very hard. Waiting, more paperwork, waiting and some very difficult challenges, more paperwork...and still more waiting.
There have been some times where I've allowed my joy to be stolen and my hope to wither. I'd forgotten how dark and lonely it can feel when the light of hope fades...especially when I choose to look away from My Daddy and big brother and start to try to fill up with other things or busyness.
I am struggling to keep my focus intentionally on Christ and obeying whatever I have been asked...regardless of the present circumstance. Contentment in the present season has been nearly impossible. Not because I don't understand the truth of Philippians 4 (I once made a photo movie for a friend about that particular chapter when she was in need of hope and humor) I just didn't want to keep applying it. Intentionally choosing to be content when part of my world seems to be crumbling in a semi-public way is impossible on my own. That's why as an adopted child I am not required to.
My Daddy has asked me to love Him the most with all of myself and to love others...particularly the vulnerable. While I am in plenty or in want. While I am waiting or gazing at His glory from the mountain top.
He has His joy for me and true contentment too. My heart has wavered, but my mission has never been more clear. I do not understand why, but I am intentionally yielding my desire to have these answers...daily. And it is very hard to tear my focus back to my Daddy...but slowly and as I am waiting He has shown me a few more things.
The hope of His grace and lessons learned in some hard chapters of my past is still hope to share and grace to encourage others in their hard chapters today. Hard to read Hebrews 4 or Romans 15:13 without flashes of My Daddy's goodness in the past. A goodness that recently was my blessing to share for encouragement to another.
My Daddy's love for the world, His heart to serve and privilege to allow me to learn from those that He has called to full-time ministry. Our Daddy has seemed to ask us to go and we will obey...excitedly:) A pull towards other parts of the globe that will take Brian to The Dominican Republic and me to Zambia this summer. Hearing His heart for places we've read about, and now the experience of seeing our Daddy. Echoes of Job 42:5
Loving and praying for a boy in need while my heart aches for my son that I cannot reach. A few days ago we started sponsoring another precious child. A boy about the same age as our big girls. Using how our Daddy provides for us beyond our needs to love those with needs we cannot begin to imagine.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.)
Asking for my Daddy to fill me to overflowing with His joy and peace to encourage others and to keep obeying ...while I'm waiting.
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