Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Adoption Funding Forms

We've been keeping very busy gathering documents and filling out forms for adoption assistance. I KNOW that God has got this and it is just a matter of Him revealing to us. Very grateful for our kiddos hearts and for FPU Dave Ramsey and the beans & rice that we've been eating that has helped a lot!
Just enough to take the next step, Lord, that is all we are asking for. USCIS has our forms so now we wait for fingerprinting and DTC!!! Then the miracle of funding the remainder of this journey... a number impossible for us, but nothing for God.

We have a doctor letter requesting for expediting of this adoption for medical necessity, I have no idea what that will end up looking like. It is hard to plan for travel, but it is comforting to know that we can trust God.

Impossible
Difficult
Done!

Looking forward to welcoming home our son in 2012, to God be the glory!!!

A Belated Christmas Gift!

I got a text last night...well early this morning telling me that USCIS has our forms!!!
Yay, thank you God this is what I was hoping for this year!

USCIS Received Date 12/21/11
USCIS Notice Date 12/23/11

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Eric Ludy..."That's my Hudson!"

Christmas List & New Way of Looking at a Nativity

Dumpling,
Waiting for you was hard today as we talked about Christmas lists and everyone picked out an animal to gift to someone in Asia this year. Think your brother and sisters will make a different kind of nativity this year, one made of pictures of animals that we gave. Son, you will not be bored here, but we will give you time to get used to us:)

I try not to be sad. I know you are safe, but you are not here.  I wondered what kind of animal you'd pick out from the catalog?  Would you also want to gift a blanket to someone that doesn't have one this year like your big sister Faith talked about? Maybe that someone that gets gifted a blanket is you?

Will someone donate to your orphanage so you and your friends will have Christmas gifts? Do you know that we are praying hard for you and trying hard to keep our (my) hands off of this process. We were so close to being done with the paperwork and now more delays that are totally out of our hands are discouraging. I KNOW that God hears my heart and His love for you is deeper than mine. He has proved His faithfulness even when my faith was so small and unsure.

My precious Hudson, traveling to you is our family's biggest prayer for this Christmas. Even that my dumpling we yield to God's hand too.
The same hands that rested in a manger so long ago will continue to hold you and us this Christmas.

I love you son.

Love,
Mommy
XOXOXO

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Grace

Overwhelming grace. I am amazed by how much has been given to me and how much I need to give.
Adoption talks are not new for us, but there have been some new developments that have been surprising. It may be that Hudson's adoption has stirred up some deep feelings or maybe unrelated? Whatever the reasons are, I am grateful for the privilege of telling our kiddos pieces of their story as they are able to process...and as I am able to speak without shedding too many tears. At the end of the day, adoption is a lot about loss and there are no words that can really describe the sounds and things I see my children experience.

I have been overwhelmed by the blessing of shared pain of two of our girls. By that I mean how beautiful it has been to hear them grieve their birth mother and comfort each other in ways when words and tears fail. They have heard me talk about her and comment on the similarities that they share with her, but actually talking together, usually I talk with them one on one when we're having "big feelings".

Never thought that our kiddos actually may need to hear me "give permission" to them to love both their birth family and us their forever family?! I love the girls birth mother and birth father. Just didn't think it would be so hard or so necessary for me to say the words to them.  I wanted to be real, and I cried. Not ugly crying, that is for later, but a bit. I mostly prayed for strength to speak truth in love and enough to heal not deepen the hurts...only God can cover me for this task.

As I saw the way the girls related to each other on even a deeper lever than I had seen in the last 5 years. I saw the power of genetics. A bond I knew was important to maintain, but not something I ever truly saw this real before.  An understanding and almost grace-like quality. Overwhelming grace.

Grace has been a theme that has reappeared several times throughout this adoptive journey. Again today, in my Bible study read the word grace..not unusual it is woven pretty frequently throughout Scripture.
 What is different is that I have been praying for world orphans and a few in particular for a few months now. There is one in particular who was also with Hudson for a time at his previous home. I want to ask, about the status, but the last time I tried to help God out well....

Really a shock, but if God can use a bib to bring us a son, is anything too hard for Him?

We watched a DVD and there was a child with a similar SN and our kiddos shouted out the name of the kiddo we've been praying for to find  forever family...they also suggested ours. Seems like we've been down this road recently before:)

Figure if there is an actual daughter for us to adopt at this time, a Grace, then God will provide the additional funds needed...and they are needed very soon.

Pray hard. We're sure of God's grace, but unsure if He is asking us to add a Grace at this time. And the extra finding is totally on Him, we do not have it...But He sure does:)

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Gearin' Up

It was a long and amazing weekend. We went to our first Tapestry conference at Irving Bible Church. Very grateful for Michael & Amy Monroe's hospitality. I rent to the orphan care track and was blown away by the things that God is doing! Dare I mention how much we love Bruce & Denise Kendrick, encouraged and blessed by how God works through them and their ministry to children, completely owning that we are Embrace groupies:)

Daily, I am reminded that I am super unqualified to lead a ministry. Getting out of God's way & doing the work as He brings seems to be exactly how He likes it. There were many things to learn,will be working on getting meetings scheduled as we can. Prayerfully making some decisions and stepping out in faith...love it when God does His thing as we obey:)

Both yesterday and today we were blessed to hear from David & Jayne Schooler. Incredible servants of God with a passion for healing children and families dealing with trauma with the hope & help of Christ. I also began reading the book Wounded Children Healing Homes, highly recommend. Jayne & David both talk about realities as they are and hope of healing that is found in Christ and a skilled therapist:) I found many things I once had believed about adoption that I wished I had looked at before we began our journey 7 years ago.

Throughout the sessions and speakers, God had confirmed a lot about direction for Abba ministry as well as some things we are praying over for ourselves. It is exhilarating! Like I finally get it!

We've been praying over Orphan Sunday for several months. Can hardly believe it is a week away! As we've researched info to bring to the church body, God is asking us to do things for our own adoption to engage our church body and friends.

Praying hard and gearin' up...God's got this and whatever He does is sure to be great as we stay out of His way:) We are humbled and grateful.

Pray Hard, you know the attacks have stepped up quite a bit as Orphan Sunday nears and as we've continued to move ahead with our paperwork. 





Wednesday, October 26, 2011

All For Jesus

I recently watched a movie about Mother Theresa, not sure of the details, but she is attributed with answering these powerful words.
"That's right, All for Jesus."
 
 I am no Mother Theresa, but as I have continued to pray dangerously, God has answered.

As I learn more about the people of the world, millions without true Hope of Christ,  poor, needy, sick, fatherless, motherless, I burn to do more. Aware of my unworthiness, I ask to be made worthy to serve.

Being emptied of myself, cleaned, healed and filled with His love and Words. To answer, the words questing my heart.

 All for Jesus? 

Yes, LORD. Beyond my fear, as you are willing, all for you. 





Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Knowing the value

Dumpling,
God has lit a fire inside of me that I think will just burn me alive.  The more I read and learn about orphans in the world, your part of the world especially, the more I want to allow God to use me. I am super unqualified...you will understand all about that after you are home, but I KNOW that He is able. I hurt for those that have no mommy and never will. I cry for you my littlest love, even though God has asked us to adopt you there are still mountains that He will have to move.

My son, my heart longs to hear actual news of you. It was a lot easier when I was able to know that you were safe, loved and provided for. These months since your move have been difficult on me. I try not to show it too much to the other kiddos and to Daddy, but son, today was a hard day for me. It was hard because I wondered if it was a particularly hard day for you. Preparing for Orphan Sunday and making calls to ministries that care for orphans I am learning about many things God has going on and it is encouraging. As I learn more about the millions of orphans that live and die without knowing true Hope and the Love of their Heavenly Daddy but would know all about hopelessness, starvation or have their bodies ravaged by AIDS I was slightly comforted knowing that you would be spared of some of that.

 When I was reheating lunch for your older sister and me, I wondered if you were given enough to eat? Did you look forward to hot meals of rice and beans or veggies, like the lunch I was inwardly complaining about, but eating anyway? Are you feeling okay, the cold and flu season is upon us here in Texas, when does that season come for you?  Will parasites and scabies be the worst things you have to endure? You Dumpling are among the blessed ones in an orphanage, I pray that God will send you reminders daily of your value and that you don't give up on the Hope of a forever family.

 I do not have to prove or explain to anyone beyond the homestudy agency, USCIS and your government that we are a good fit for you. I had a hard time remaining calm and loving today discussing the realities that continuing to move forward in your adoption will require even more sacrifice of some valuable stuff. I cannot explain sacrificial love, but I will try to live it. Your Daddy & I KNOW your value. You are our son and all of our children are priceless.




Friday, October 14, 2011

On Funding an International Adoption

So, I'm not much of a blogger.  As the masculine side of this union, I rarely venture into the blogosphere to opine or share the experiences of my personal life.  But this time, God's faithfulness compelled me.  Not so much for my benefit, but for giving hope to other families who agonize over that oh-so-common question many people ask me when first broaching the subject of adoption: "How can we afford it?".  To His glory!

If you know us well, you know that we have started down this long, and expensive, road to a China adoption because we were asked to by God.  Funding this adoption was going to be unmistakably an act of God from the beginning.  God has continued to show me throughout this process that He has control of this situation.  That hasn't stopped me from worrying from time to time, but repeatedly God has provided what we have needed, as we have needed it.  I'm learning this is a characteristic of my relationship with God.  When it comes to ministry and service, I try to follow a principle of doing the work as God brings it.  He's been faithful there, too.

We had been very faithful with our finances over the last year or so, and God had blessed us with a little surplus accumluation to help get us started. The first indicator that God was there in this process was the fact that we had enough to get going and pay for the "up front fees".  I define those as the homestudy fees, adoption agency and dossier fees, and immigration fees.  We knew we'd have to find a way, or God would have to show us a way, to pay for these items entirely out of our own means.  As it turned out, He continued to provide enough as each fee became due.

Once we had an approved homestudy, we could apply for grants and no or low-cost loans to help with the remainder of the fees.  These would primarily be travel, a Phase 2 agency fee, and the orphanage donation built into the cost of every adoption from China.  This is no small sum.  A grant from our agency for our son had already been provided by God to help some with this portion of the fees, but it's not enough.  Still, we have faith God will provide for these fees through available grant and loan programs.  He also showed us that with some purposeful "tightening of the belt" we could eek out some more from our monthly cash flow to help as time progressed and our travel date got closer.  You can always find some things in your budget you can do without if you need to.

Then we were thrown a curveball.  Due to unforeseen circumstances, our homestudy ended up about $800 more than we had originally anticipated, and in addition to that we learned we were going to have to pay for all 6 of China's "post placement visits" in advance, at the end of the homestudy process.  This is because we ended up using a different homestudy agency than we had originally planned to.  Post placement visits are a Hague Convention country requirement that last several years after your adoption finalizes.  Some agencies allow families to pay for these as they go, after the child comes home, but our homestudy agency, in order to maintain high standards of ethics, has a policy of collecting all of the fees upfront, which amount to $3300.  That was $3300 we had not anticipated paying during the adoption process itself.

Frankly, when I learned this I panicked.  God had been faithful but that was going to be a large number to come up with unexpectedly in only a couple of months.  This was a mountain in our path that God would have to move.  I knew that to bring home Hudson, God would have to provide a way to get this homestudy completed, so that we could then apply for the grants and zero interest loans that I trust He will provide.  But I had no idea where that money would come from.  I just began to pray about this and my fears subsided.  From time to time I would struggle with some fears, but God would always bring peace.

Meanwhile we continued our "beans and rice" strategy.  Literally.  At the point of this writing we are not on a diet exclusively of rice and beans, but we are eating less meat, plenty of pasta, and yes, about once a week beans and rice.  Every twice-a-month pay period, our envelopes (go Dave Ramsey!) would contain surplus.  Sometimes $100, often $200.  This was after already enacting a slimmed down budged that was putting less into the envelopes and leaving more in the bank account to begin with.  I began to call our Dave Ramsey Envelope System the "widow's oil" because each pay period, God was providing even more surplus than I expected by helping us to be frugal and responsible with what He'd given us.  I didn't really have a good handle on our "new budget" because it was kind of fluid and we were just starting to try it out.  We just did our best to spend as little as we could, within our "normal" budget, and there was always some left over.

I've saved the best for last.  At this point, we have completed all 4 of our homestudy visits and the worker will be writing the homestudy.  I expect we may have a completed homestudy by the end of October.  Then it will be time to pay for our post-placement visits.  Today was pay day, when I usually take account of our "envelope system", update my check register, and replenish the envelopes.  So tonight I sat down with a calculator, Quicken, and my known major expenditures over the next few months.  I started looking at our liquid savings, our upcoming obligations, the surplus our "skinny" budget had accumulated in our checking account, and my cash flow capabilites for the next 3 months.  In my hands was a particular large payment due in January each year in Texas which is a non-negotiable.  That's one we plan for, it's always paid, and always paid on time.  I knew there was no way we could jeopardize that payment.  It would be irresponsible.  As I got out the calculator, I began to add up the savings, the surplus, and the cash flow over the next few months.  Then I subtracted out the $3300 for the post-placement visits.  That number on the calculator looked familiar.  I looked again.  The calculator told me that in January we'd have paid for our post-placement visits, continued living comfortable enough, but would fall just about $100 short of our obligation.  I was shocked.  The amount was so close to what we actually needed, but just short.  That made me a little uneasy.  But then I remembered, I had forgotten the widow's oil!  Just before sitting down at the computer, I had looked at our envelopes, reclaimed the extra cash, and put it into my wallet to be deposited back into our bank account.  That wallet contained exactly $100!  I immediately knew this was no accident, it was God confirming again to me that He--Jehova Jireh--would provide for us, and for our son.

Some might find this incredulous or coincidental.  But I know my God, and He keeps showing up and demonstrating His faithfulness to us.  I hope I can be faithful to Him.

The next time I write, we might be eating beans and rice every night.  But I will remember, that meal I will share with my family will be far better than the meal that most of the world's 150 million orphans will share in that day.

(post by Brian:)

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Three Months ago...

Three months ago we began this journey to bring our sweet dumpling home. This process, this marathon has stretched our faith and challenged us in ways we could not have imagined. We are not the same.

Two months ago I thought it was up to me to get all of the paperwork done and mailed off because I was afraid of many things. Fear of the unknown medicals of our son's face and the potential of harm to his mind or precious heart, the new criteria for adoptive parents, funding this adoption.

God reminded me that every aspect of this journey and every detail has already been planned out. Sovereign plans that began long before we purchased a bib.

It has been hard. I've not ever had an adoption like this before where he found us and then we went about making sure we could qualify to adopt...I was really just trying to sponsor a child. God had better plans. Plans that would stretch my faith and have me look at things that I had held back from Him.

Trust.
An area of weakness in my heart. God has brought wounded areas of my heart under His complete restoration. He has healed my heart and I know that He will also heal my son's.

I used to ask God to help me. Then I asked if I might help Him. I ended up by asking Him to do His work through me.
Hudson Taylor

Faith.
Although it is hard to go a day without a reminder of God's faithfulness, as our daughter is named Faith,still I doubt. I see the growing lump in my son's face and the way that his eye continues to be squished and I think God must have forgotten about his needs. I read the numbers miraculously in our account right when we need to write more checks, knowing that IS God, but still holding onto some doubts about the next steps. Then He shows up and money is found again...exactly how much and exactly when we need it.


Giving.
My husband has had a goal of giving on the gross...I did not share that same goal, but yielded at least outwardly. As we prayerfully researched Orphan Sunday and how to engage as well as equip the Church for action. We began to pray for others to see the needs and for them to be pierced as we were. God has a funny way of piercing your own heart. Especially when you pray dangerously...not sure I know any other way to pray?!
God asked us to give more. That WAS a faith stretcher, but the more we saw the easier it was. Abba's heart broke for the millions that we would never know, but that He knew by name all over the world. Our hearts broke too and we started this month to support 3 of the ministries that we will be bringing to our Church body.

You may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you did not know. William Wilberforce

Prayer.
My precious dumpling, how you have been the reason for your Dad, me and your sisters and brother to be on our faces before God almighty. We have needed wisdom and strength to keep our focus. His Spirit has taught us so much about asking, seeking & knocking. God has supplied and He continues to meet our needs.

"God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supplies."

There are so many more lessons...

Three months ago we obeyed, now we are following God. His leading is radiant.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

My King - SM Lockridge

Praying over our meals

There are a few ministries that we've been learning about that do various types of children/orphan care. It is easy to learn and offer them up to the body on Orphan Sunday...but that didn't feel right.

How could I be recommending these great ministries for others to financially support and NOT support them myself?!

How could God be asking for more when we already are making sacrifices to fund our son's adoption?  Reading through the realities of life around the world, the hopelessness, the loss of innocence and of life, the only lasting answer being Jesus Christ and the efforts of several ministries I am reading about.

A number kept coming up to me that we were supposed to give. I knew that any "extra" was going to Hudson's fund or allocated to other things. Giving more now?

Yes.
It was very clear. Now.
Still as I prayed this number kept coming up.

Somehow, we have been finding small amounts of money in strange places. In Brian's pants, in the Ramsey envelopes,  in our bank account?! Not anything large, but several smaller sums.

Instead of using some money to splurge on take out, we agreed to start the new funds.

I still had to figure out something for dinner. I prayed and God supplied. There was frozen left over pork from a few weeks ago, some wild rice and instant white rice, red onions, raisins, celery, carrots,apples and a peach. I prayed as I searched and soon there was a meal. Topping it off with some cinnamon we had dinner.
The kids wondered if I was cooking a new kind of Chinese food;)


A little while later, we realized that there was a slight increase in Brian's check. Also increasing our tithe. Needless to say it was DOUBLE the amount that I thought we were supposed to give!

Don't worry, already asking God what He wants us to do with the rest...church adoption fund, adoption library, paying for conferences, and summit...


Yes, Dr. S.M. Lockridge, That's MY King!

That was an incredible answer to a dangerous prayer.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Baby Steppin...

God has been at work, recently told a friend that's He's been working behind our backs;)
Our church will be having our first Orphan Sunday event on Nov 6th! Reminding myself to be on my knees more in prayer than on the computer researching or planning. This is His deal and we will be doing it His way.

Baby steppin, because I'm scared and excited. We are moving forward...in His strength.

Please lift Orphan Sunday up, that Abba's heart will be known and His church will be equipped to act now.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Not Covered in Shame

Shame.
There had been much that once haunted me. I had felt both defined and burdened by shame.
It has been incredibly freeing to live in forgiveness and having faced some difficult things.  That is not a removal of certain events, but a change in the way I view them.  I choose to forgive and to be forgiven. Living in peace...

Someone once said "Restoration comes in different ways..." I had not ever thought one day I would both have been restored and improved. Not perfected...but a work in progress.  His work. His way. His supplies;)

Does this perspective make me sound like two different people? Not hardly.

Unafraid. Unashamed. Unobstructed. Unique.
Radiant, for God as I was created to be. Sparkling much like the cut of the diamond on my finger.
Most definitely not covered in shame!

Be Still

Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth.”

Ouch! When I run for too long I get this nasty cramp in my right side. I try all of the techniques to get rid of it, but the only way to relieve the pain is to slow down and begin to be still.

Being still is one of my least favorite things to do and I'm really not good at it.  I can rest and relax with the family and spend leisure time with hubby, but being still...that's hard.

Parts of this adoptive race have been difficult and more recently painful.  Mostly due to the pace that we have been sprinting, making so many decisions so quickly. We are sure that this is what God has asked us to, we're sure that the international agency is the one that He chose for us and our son...

We have been in prayer over the weekend and fasted on Monday seeking God's guidance. A verse that I read on the license plate holder of the car in front of me read "Psalm 46:1 “Be still, and know I am God" has spoken to me several times. Loved Kirk Franklin & Toby Mac combo= greatness video!

Be still and KNOW I am God. Really, in many ways that is exactly what I needed to read.
Stop. Be Still. Don't run right now, don't do. Know I AM.

Gifts of blessing have come in so many ways.  A precious family spoke at our adoption meeting on Sunday. Truly she ministered to my heart, she was wickedly funny and gracious...one of the best combinations!!
A reminder of God being with us about five years earlier when we struggled with our son's diagnosis and questioned if we were following God in our adoption plan.  He confirmed then just as He has done now that these boys are our sons...gifts and blessings entrusted to us by God and one day in the not so distant future will undoubtedly pee in very inappropriate places;)

Hubby & I prayed hard over the weekend and fasted and prayed on Monday. We were given some direction, but mostly reminded to be still and know He is God.

I will for now, but remembering that Hudson needs to be home, the rest is not going to be a long one.
Being still, resting and praying hard for clarity and a December travel date for our sweet boy. 

I Am GOD

Friday, August 12, 2011

Letter to Hudson, My Younger Son Carried in my Heart.

My Little Dumpling,
This week had been hard. I miss you so much and wish that you were home already. You have already inspired me to be a better mommy and to yield so much more of my will to our Creator. I look over the few pictures that I have of you I see such life and joy in your eyes. From a young infant you are clearly radiant and completely remarkable. How you've captured the hearts of so many, how you've pointed so many to the undeniable power of a perfect Creator that had already had a plan that we are now just beginning to understand.

Son, er zi, we love you so much. You seem so far away. Hard to rest and trust. We printed a few pictures of you and put them in frames. I try to trust and rest whenever I see your sweet smiling face...it is hard.
I found a phrase, not sure if is is accurate or if you will understand....
Zhe shi wo erzi = This is my son
One day I will say it with pride as I introduce you in person.

Wo ai ni!
Ma ma

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Another Adoption!!!

A few days ago, our middle daughter decided to be adopted again. this time she decided to be adopted into God's forever family!!!
We are thrilled and very blessed.
He IS!!!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

A Mommy's Heart

Sadly, someone I respect and admire, had to make a very hard decision today.

A real mother loves beyond herself and is strong enough to let go, trusting God to take care of her beloved and to heal her mommy heart.

So many things I do not understand.

This I know He IS. 

We Got PA!!!!!

Figuring out what all these terms mean...PA is Pre Approval

We wrote our Letter Of  Intent (the first one) that also included a Nurture/Rehabilitation Plan along with some family info and some pictures.  Sent it to the agency they then translated and entered it online to the secure site.

This amazing little piece of paper. Beaming as I read our names and his name granting permission to proceed to the next step to adopting our son dated August 2, 2011.

PA Pretty Awesome!!!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

WOW, What a Week!

A snip of my post recapping my week...

"WOW...last week was very hard. Now have a reverence towards the waiting child program...

Our lives have been changed since seeing a beautiful face, It has been a lot like sprinting the first few miles of a marathon. God was faithful and brought us through. This week minus a few things I need to wrap up is like a much needed water station. We're sweaty, tired and very thirsty. Catching my breath and looking at my watch to adjust my pace. Smiling as I remember my youngest daughter told the sw "I don't want to adopt Hudson." Later she revealed she wants a sister...reminded her that now it was a brother but she could ask God for a sister. Good thing we're asking to be approved for two, so we'll be ready should another child find her way into my inbox one day..."

Monday, August 1, 2011

Learning Mandarin with some help from our friends

Jackie Chan Beauty & The Beast
A Whole New World

Mulan-Reflection
English Mulan-Reflection

Mulan 2-Like Other Girls
English Mulan 2-Like Other Girls

Tangled-When Will My Life Begin
English Tangled-When Will My Life Begin

Tangled-I See The Light
English Tangled-I See The Light

Pressing On, Feeling My Legs Begin to Wobble Hoping for PA.

PA, Pre Approval given to us from the sending country granting permission to continue the process to officially adopt our son. I feel my legs getting wobbly as I hear many folks talk of things like days up to two weeks waiting for PA. Not actually sure when our LOI and info was entered into the online system, but we overnighted the docs to our agency 7/13/11...assume that it was entered in soon later...looks like we are entering into week 3.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Letter to Hudson, from a very tired and hopeful Mommy

Son,
This past month has been incredible. I feel every bit like we Daddy & I are training for another marathon, but this time it is not with the goal of proving something to ourselves it is to bring you home for surgery. Son, I have been so tired this week, your sisters and brother have been so strong...and behaved themselves...well mostly:)
There have been a few times this week that I've gotten scared or just felt overwhelmed by all that was required. I worry I am going to mess up a paper or just freak out and not make it through this process.  I pray and God seems to bring a reminder that He has this adoption too. I have trouble trusting, Him too.

Radiant Hudson, You have been the most incredible surprise, we are so grateful. I have your picture on my iphone and when I get tired of making another long distance call or filling out another stack of forms or driving to pick up forms I look at your face and for a while I run again.

It is hard for me to hear about timelines and what is possible and the realities of your needed surgeries.  I refuse to believe that God brought you to us and then left us to figure the rest out alone. Son, it is hard and I get scared and confused. Knowing that you are our son, even without the paperwork. Having a faith that really believes...when I can't see?

How is this possible? Traveling in December when our USCIS docs aren't even sent for processing yet?! Trying to figure out how to learn mandarin when I feel like english is my second language?! How is God going to supply for all of our needs to get you here, and the surgeries that you will need soon after? The strength to keep running when I am getting so tired?

The prayers and desire of my heart a prayer that began when I was about 12 is finally here on the verge of coming true and I am getting really scared. Will your vision be okay, will your eye be spared? Are we going to get to you as soon as I know you need us to for surgery? If we are late, will you blame me for not running harder?

My son, my precious and radiant blessing, you have been so prayed over from many that have known and loved you. You are God's and He will hold you while we race. I promise to pray hard and to try to obey faithfully while God moves the impossible mountains that stand between us.

I love you,
Mommy

 

The race takes a sharp incline and track is covered with mud...

Our homestudy is soon to be completed along with our final visit and necessary inspections and more forms. After that is approved and sent into our other agency we are then Well, not sure. I'm tired. Hopeful, but really, really tired.
The next leg of race is the immigration part. I don't understand all of these forms, and fees trying really hard to keep up way too fast pace. From what I've heard from others this part is more like a sharp incline on a muddy track.  Trying to be positive, while remembering to relax my shoulders, breathe deeply and focus on making it through the next few miles.

The USCIS process is still a mystery to me and this site explains it very well. This is a great site!
 www.china-adoption-online.com

So, we are currently looking at @ 3 weeks out from our I800a being received. Then we await approvals which are rumored to take about 60 days from notice of receipt at lockbox.
Notice of Receipt, case number from Texas
Docs are onto National Benefits Center (NBC)

Several weeks later we wait for our fingerprint appointment, then wait for approval

Wait for approval 60-80 days!!! YIKES!!! That is hoping that there is no problem with the paperwork...

This is the first part of the immigration process...To sum up:
I overnighted documents to my out of state agency and they will do some stuff...think it is called authenticate? then fedex most if not all of the docs to the USCIS lockbox..that is roughly a half of an hour drive from our house. This lockbox step takes about 2 weeks...and then I should get notice as well as the official time to await approval will begin.

PRAY HARD!!!
"God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supplies." Reminder from Hudson Taylor:)

Mailing our dossier

We went by the hospital to pick up our doctor letters for expediting and then on to the Dallas post office. We had raced and worked so hard to gather documents, get things notarized and certified copies of certain things, had them fedexed or overnighted to us, included checks for agency fees and USCIS fees.  I was shaking so badly from excitement and adrenaline...a lot like midway in the marathon we ran last December.
Praying over the package one last time it was then on its way to our other agency in another state.We are missing our notarized medical exams and our notarized original copy of our homestudy. Then our docs can finally be mailed off from our agency in another state back to a lockbox in Lewisville...that is about a half of an hour drive away from our house. Not sure why it bugs me so much to know that the docs are being fedexed right back basically to my house, but it does.

Still, every fee every lengthy out of state phone call, every dollar that we've spent is part of what will bring us on our way to our son.

Next USCIS, that's right folks, we're begging God to expedite us through immigration. ONLY HE CAN!!!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Sprinting through Homestudy & Necessary Road Trip

My muscles are definitely warmed up, but feeling the pain of not having stretched first before beginning this race.
Our Homestudy visits began Wednesday. It was about a 2 hour visit.

We took a road trip to get in two more visits totaling 3 out of 4 required visits. This process was a lot easier back in 2003 when we were getting licensed for foster/adopt. The questions are pretty much the same kind, but managing 4 very active bodies and trying to speak coherently can be a challenge!

We headed a few hours out of town to meet at our agency. The trip was pretty uneventful and the kiddos really enjoyed their lunch of potato chips, cookies, capri suns and an apple...I had packed yogurt for everyone...and decided that it was best to eat that while we were not in the van.

While at the agency, there was an awkward moment following an answer given by my youngest and soon to be big  sister. "No. I don't want to adopt Hudson. I don't want a brother"

What?!

Soon it was time to go, but not before we made a lasting impression:
J smashed her finger due to playing bumper cars on the spinning office chairs with her younger sister, and whimpering quietly in my lap as I gave her magic mommy smootch on her boo boo and played with her hair.

Z decided that scooting around the room in similar office chair smashing into things and people, being sure to laugh loudly and scream crazily when redirected, was boring so he decided to use more force and flip the chair...soon two kiddos were whimpering...lasting impression and possible reason not to approve our homestudy...check!

After leaving the agency visit we went to to IHOP. The kiddos were in heaven. I was just glad to be halfway done with the visits and closer to bringing home our son. We did find out the reason for the change in heart about adopting from our youngest was "I just want a sister. I don't want to be alone in my room." Relieved
(and knowing that we were trying to be approved for two children either gender) I thanked her for explaining that to me and that right now God brought us Hudson. But she could begin to ask God if He wanted us to adopt a sister...one day.  We headed to the hotel for a swim in their shallow pool to burn off pancake nirvana. It was good.

I also learned that there is truth in such phrases like, "pull out couch or inflatable air mattress", "silent drowning", "heart overflowing with thanks".

The next morning the kiddos had their individual interviews...and then we set on our way home.
Taking a necessary stop at one of my favorite landmarks, The Chek Stop...and getting some gingerbread boys and peanut brittle to reluctantly share with my family. Yumm-o!!! 



Soon, we get to wait for USCIS approval...praying hard!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Goosebumps...yeah,it's God!

Learning names and meanings behind initials has quickly becoming an impossibility. For now it is skim emails and updates, pick out main ideas and fine print on forms to make sure that we will comply..and have not signed rights to our current children away. It is now obvious to me that the short time line that I thought we had is actually not the correct one at all.

This morning I attended a writer's conference. I had been excitedly looking forward to a few months ago, but I had trouble motivating myself to attend today. All I've been writing lately is poorly worded, jumbled letters to a foreign country to ask for permission to adopt,not using smiley faces or colloquialisms that may not translate or words like blessing, Bible or God. How do I let my heart show how much I love and value this beautiful child, that I've never met, that God brought to my inbox a little over two months ago, that needs not only a forever family but has been in need of necessary and complex surgery that can't be done in country but must be done ASAP and the whole process to adopt is estimated to take 10-14months...and we do not have MOST of the funds to pay for most of the remaining adoption expenses and we don't speak or understand our son's native language nor him ours?!

Quick shower later, brushed hair, clean dress and makeup on I raced downstairs to promptly race back up the stairs as the strange breeze reminded me I had forgotten to put on something far more than removing the rest of my chipped and fading toenail polish...a hard belly laugh from me and my husband a few minutes later and quick goodbyes to the kiddos, nervously rechecking to ensure I was wearing panties this time, I race out the door.

I have been thinking about the deadline all wrong and inserting me way too much in this process.  The real time line is more like Gotcha Day in December for many reasons.

For that to happen...as with all of this process it will be God. Reflecting on the day, the goosebumps reactions from folks that I've shared some of this adventure coupled with goosebumps of my own...yeah, it's God!

Friday, July 22, 2011

First Few Miles...Initial Approval AKA LOI/PA

This is very confusing and time sensitive process. I am trying to understand the process and it is more complex with shorter deadlines for a waiting child.

Our agency sent us a stack of paperwork to read and complete and return within a week. We had to write a letter asking for permission to adopt as well as include plans for medical needs/nurture plans. That was hard to formulate my swirling thoughts into 250 words or less! How could I describe how incredible this child was and how my mommy heart ached for him almost immediately?

We prayed a lot as we raced to make and gather copies, fill out forms, have international doctor and plastic surgeon consult over medical file, photos and video, select and print copies of family photos, write the Letter Of Intent (LOI) that contained the Nurture Plan and pay the first round of fees...this was to be completed & mailed within one week. Oh yes, we also had to find a Hague homestudy/post placement provider in our state...and there were new requirements that were for this year

So far the first few miles timeline is:

May 17, 2011 First time I saw his face and found out about him. We began to pray for him as a family.

July 6, 2011 Decided to adopt!

July 7, 2011 Got paperwork from agency and without stretching first raced through the first few miles 

July 8, 2011 Called to find Hague Home Study agency in my state...many, many phone calls and emails as well as adjust to newly increased post placement fees and requirements...mostly due upfront

July 11, 2011 Began process with H. S. Agency. Began required 10 hours of Hague training

July 13, 2011 Express Mailed pack of forms & fees to agency to await them to translate and enter our info for initial approval (found out later this is commonly known as Pre Approval)

July 15, 2011 Express Mailed pack of forms to H.S. agency

July 18, 2011 Called to get expedited & certified copy of my out of state birth certificate, completed required 8 hours of Hague training and printed certificate

July 19, 2011 Called my state again to get another certified & expedited copy of birth certificate
Got H.S. worker assigned, drove to get certified copy of marriage certificate

July 20, 2011 Called out of state lived in since 18 to get expedited criminal background check

July 21, 2011 Received both copies of expressed mailed certified birth certificate, H.S. worker overnight mailed request for expedited background clearances for out of state, as per their policy

July 27, 2011 Scheduled 1st Home Study visit with whole family
 
*there are 4 total visits needed...we will comply:)

August 5, 2011 Scheduled 2rd Home Study visit, must have all Hague training done by today

October 1, 2011 MUST HAVE ALL papers in country on or before today...this is going to be one of the most obvious miracles of this journey!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Race is on!!!

We are now racing to our son. He is a waiting child so the timeliness are different. I am grateful that we've been Ransey-fied and saving for a while...but had no idea that we were saving for an adoption?! I thought we were saving so we could give and support others as they served God...and maybe helped to fund an adoption...had no idea it was ours!!!

The Paperchase begins!!

We get some docs from our agency and began to work right away.
This is the first step to getting initial approval to adopt.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Voicemail

FINALLY, tonight we made the call and left a voice mail with the agency to let them know that we were ready to begin the formal process to bring home our son!!!

GOD has been good!!!
REJOICE again I say REJOICE!!!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Road trip that began to unite our hearts

We went to Joplin MO with a group from our church this weekend. Really not sure what God is planning, but I am really looking forward to serving. Truly hope is alive in Joplin!
God amazed us not just by the hearts of those that were there with us, but by those that were from Joplin ministering to us as well.

There was a certain person who's story spoke to a certain other person's heart...let's just say that it's looking a lot more like a "Yes!" from God.  Did I mention the billboard reading "Have you considered adoption?"
Just cracked up when I read that sign on the way down to Joplin.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

why? Because he is yours.

The next few days I grieved for myself and for the precious boy.  I asked God why this had to happen? Why was there nobody able to See how incredible this child was and running forward to adopt him!!! Why was he now less likely to find forever?Why? Why?

As I stopped acting like Job and question God it and seeking him to comfort and provide. It was a whisper and I clearly heard these words "...Because he is yours." 

My mind raced with the facts of all the mountains in my circumstances that had not changed and now he was living in a large orphanage...yet, whispered again ..." Because he is yours."

Psalm 34:5 Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.

Friday, June 24, 2011

an unexpected interest

I took down the pictures I had up on the wall of this boy. It was really painful to see him and pray for him and yet not be able to run forward to adopt him.

I didn't want to talk about him, but my children were in the habit of praying for him nightly so we continued to do that as a family.  I began to question if I was wrong and this was someone else 's son. I didn't bring up that idea of adopting him but prayed hard in my heart for him.

Unexpectedly my husband brought him up to me not that he was ready to move forward but that he was prayerfully beginning to seek God and listen as He leads... WOW, is that a mountain getting ready to move?!
Wisely, this time, I prayed harder and shut up.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

someone didn't get the memo!

We are usually so like-minded when it comes to adoption and adding to our family.  This cannot be pleasing to God so I am putting down my right to be right. I know that it is not pleasing to God to badger my husband into making a HUGE decision. He is a planner and takes a lot of time to make a decision and rarely is it the wrong one.  

One of us is wrong or just didn't get the memo!
It is too painful to be distant from my husband and painful to think of letting go of this boy that I had been asking God for especially as it looked like he was confirming.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

unexpected move

Today as part of my summer bible study we're going through Beth Moore's Psalms and I read Psalm 127. It talked about children, sons and heritage.  I wondered what these Psalms were meaning to me as my circumstance it seemed impossible that I was going to be adding another son.  Yet the more I read through the portions of the study that happened to be these few Psalms the more I felt like God was telling me something about sons and mountains.

Neither word made too much sense. Sons. Mountains. 

I got an email today that I was hoping to avoid. It was from the orphanage director, letting me know that he had been moved yesterday back to the large orphanage that he originally came from.

I cried so hard. I'd been begging God to move mountains with this boy both in my own family and if there was another forever family for him that they'd come forward.

I thought about how scared he must be and how hard the next few months filled with loss and adjustments to being in a large orphanage would be for him. 

I was brokenhearted, confused and blamed myself and  husband as responsible for the move...not that it made any sense in any way.

Hard to collect myself and email a reply, I knew that my heart wasn't the only one broken.

"hard to type through my tears. love this boy, I know you do too...

my bday is a few weeks after his, I asked for a son.


his story is NOT over...just at a difficult part."

Monday, June 13, 2011

Advocate for a surgeon

So, what's the next best thing to adopting this precious child, helping him find a forever family.  He is amazing and deserves permanence, even if not with us. An email reply came with my email attached

"Message:
As much as I want surgery after my hard-earned 100 lbs weight loss, I have learned about someone that deserves surgery far more. I saw your video about your humanitarian work. I have recent pictures as well as online pics from his children's home. He has ____ and they have been "repaired". His case is severe and they are not able to find a foster home in country for him...let alone a forever home for him due to his appearance. He has been described as very sweet by those that have met him. Do you ever work with children that are from this area in ____ If so,can we sponsor his surgery? Do you ever travel to this part of ___? As an adoptive parent of a son... that has benefited from this kind of surgery I know personally the benefits of a good plastic/reconstruction surgeon. This may help this child find a forever family that he truly deserves, but folks just can't see how special he is and are off put by his face.
Thank you for your time & consideration. Psalm 34:4-5"

Sunday, June 12, 2011

an amazing video and a difficult question

We got the video (on Father's Day weekend) featuring this amazing boy! It was incredible seeing him and hearing him. He was enjoying playing with a red truck and a Thomas the Tank Engine.  In one of his hands gripped tightly he held a lollipop. He seemed pretty excited to have that. 

As I watched this boy by myself and then later with my husband and children, each time I saw his face or heard his voice my mommy heart lept.  I began to think this was my son...wasn't this impossible?!

Later I got an email back asking a difficult question...adopting or advocating...?


How could I answer that? My mommy heart beating so loudly it made it hard to hear anything else, but it wasn't my decision to make alone.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

a clueless advocate creates a waiting child blog

So, unsure of what we are supposed to do...and feeling like God is growing a desire to do more for this child in particular. I did what others do when they care and cannot adopt themselves and a blog was born.  I had no idea if what I was doing was actually going to bring him permanence, but I just had to try.  Clueless and unsure of rules, manners or what it common practice, I want to include the orphanage director, and hope that she approves. Prayerfully and nervously, I emailed



“I have found that there are three stages in every great work of God: first, it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done.” Hudson Taylor

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

a file and pictures that took my heart

I read the file and received additional pictures of this incredible boy.  It was a lot to process. My husband was sure that God wanted us to only advocate and only advocate for just him.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Early Blog Advocasy

Hudson

 Precious Hudson, could he be the son that you've been praying for?

Psalm 34:4-5  I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
He's had surgery to repair lip and palate. Thanks to the Children's Home.


Hudson is described as a sweet boy by those that have met him. He likes to look at books. He has received surgery as well as being dearly loved and cared for largely by a Children's Home, where he had lived until his recent move to the SWI.

Please join us in prayer as we watch expectantly as God continues to move in Hudson's life!!


“I have found that there are three stages in every great work of God: first, it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done.” J. Hudson Taylor

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Waited not so patiently and then...

I waited and prayed as I shared the emails and pictures of the boy with my children and husband. We were simply advocating and supporting others in their adoption journey. We could further advocate or sponsor.

June 4th, I contacted the advocating agency by email and followed up with a phone call. I was given a bit more information. I was clear that we were interested in advocating or sponsoring at the point...

"I've been emailing with ____ from ___ about _____ He is precious! Is he still available for sponsoring or adoption? Do you have any other information about him?
Thanks, "

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Was there more?

Later in a return email I learned this boy wasn't just any boy. He was special. I got an email back and learned his name and a bit more about him.  There was supposedly an agency advocating for him to find a forever family. Then the words that stuck with me..." If you know of a family that might be interested..." 

Well, I had a family? What was it about his child that drew me to him? We were not planning an adoption of our own right now, but I had hoped one day to adopt again from this country. What was the next move? Was there more?   





The simple email that changed everything

May 17th a simple email thank you for a few bibs bought as donations to orphans living in a home across the world. A few small pictures of children, one picture of a beautiful boy wearing a bib that we had purchased.
Those bibs, that email that picture of the boy in the bib changed everything. Not knowing exactly why, I HAD to know more about him. Mustering up whatever courage I could find and saying a quick prayer I wrote an email back.


"Precious, just precious. Thank you for caring for these sweet children. These pictures are wonderful. So humbled by the work that you do. Thank you for giving these little ones a home while they wait for their forever families. I shopped with my two younger children and they really enjoyed picking out and helping to buy the bibs for ______'s  friends. I wish it could have been more.

If I may be so bold to ask, the beautiful boy by himself with the red bowl, is there a sponsor for or is he currently matched with a family? Is he in need of funding for further surgeries or anything? We would love to be able to pray for his needs, sponsor as we are able and to advocate for him both personally and through our church's adoption ministry to find a forever family. My 5 year old ____ has repaired cleft lip, cleft palate and other special needs. We adopted him _____ and _____did not think he would find a forever family...but God had our family picked out for him:)

We also would love to know ____ critical needs as well as prayer requests for you, the staff, and the children that you serve.
Truly humbled by your heart for orphans and the way that ____ provides for children that need care. 

Looking forward to hearing from you and how we can help,"