I am in college again. This time it is in a master's program. I also am passing both classes with very hard-earned A's. NEVER would I have imagined that this would be my reality and yet, as it is perfectly planned I am both exhausted and exhilarated...as hard as I tried to fight it. I know the truth is: I was created for this.
This husband.
This family.
This classroom.
This college.
This life.
I am just beginning to understand beauty from ashes.
The ache of my heart for students to be supported,respected and given tools to become more independent. The way that previously confusing curriculum and concepts for SPED are becoming second nature to me. I yield M-F to a calling that I do not understand,that is both incredibly challenging and exhausting to come home and be a better wife and mother than ever before.
God, I am beginning to understand I was created for this.
Monday, November 14, 2016
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Sorry...Not Sorry.
Sorry...Not Sorry.
I write this post because it is necessary. I write what I wish someone had written or spoken it to a mom 11 years ago.
10 months seems like an eternity. 40 long weeks to grow a baby to full term.
Your life does not stop once you become pregnant.
You are still you when you are pregnant.
A mom was like many other pregnant women. She may have wrestled through a variety of emotions as well as through her options. Although the pregnancy was not planned, she decided to keep her pregnancy to term.
She may have tried to eat a little better, maybe add a little walking to her daily routine. Maybe she even browsed through a book of baby names with her significant other. She might have dreamed of the day that she'd hold her baby and see the best version of herself.
But life doesn't stop when you are pregnant.
You are still you when you are pregnant.
One drink. Aren't there pregnant women who take a drink now and again and give birth just fine? Most everyone on the internet agrees that one drink is nothing, right?!
A little wine, maybe a small shot. Another drink, a little bigger this time. What harm could a little more do?! Who would know, who is getting hurt anyway?
What harm could alcohol do? It's not like the surgeon general requires warning labels. Don't most women drink wine to get pregnant and before they even know they are pregnant? Besides the pregnancy is almost at term now. Who's idea was it to deny yourself anyway?
Weeks pass and delivery day is here. So is the child.
He is born early and deformed. His face has a large hole where a nostril and the top of his mouth should have been. His cry is bone-piercing.
WHY?!
What kind of a God would allow this to happen?! HOW could this baby look and act so strange?!
WAIT.
How many little glasses of wine was that? Was it one small shot or two?
The horror and shame overwhelming. Too overwhelming to admit during the hospital intake.
Almost a year passes and the baby is soon to become son in a new family. This mother reads the doctor's report with her husband. The official diagnosis is four little letters that shatter the dreams that they had for their son.
They wrestle through a variety of emotions, sifting painfully through their options. Although the baby was not theirs, decide to keep him and make him forever son.
Ten hard years pass and the family endures much. The once baby bone-piercing cry has developed into a blood curdling scream with violent and often physically destructive rage. Two expensive stays in psychiatric day treatment facilities, lengthy meetings fighting to keep him in special ed with one school district and countless hours working with another to get all the necessary paperwork and endless meetings to make a workable plan. The bruises on this mom's body have faded...the scars on this heart in process to heal.
So many challenges and at times debilitating grief. This family refuses to give up. This is forever. This is a SON.
WHY?!
What kind of God would allow this to happen? How could this son look and act so unusually?!
WAIT.
CRY out to THE LORD. He brings relief and restoration. His timing is perfect. His plans are good. He is the giver of grace and creator of new dreams. Grace for a mom and grace for this mom.
God has brought some relief and once broken hearts mending. Several lives changed forever in that one drink.
Do NOT drink when you are pregnant. 40 weeks is not permanent, brain damage is.
Sorry...Not sorry.
Facts and definitions worth reading Expectant Mother
There is Hope
I write this post because it is necessary. I write what I wish someone had written or spoken it to a mom 11 years ago.
10 months seems like an eternity. 40 long weeks to grow a baby to full term.
Your life does not stop once you become pregnant.
You are still you when you are pregnant.
A mom was like many other pregnant women. She may have wrestled through a variety of emotions as well as through her options. Although the pregnancy was not planned, she decided to keep her pregnancy to term.
She may have tried to eat a little better, maybe add a little walking to her daily routine. Maybe she even browsed through a book of baby names with her significant other. She might have dreamed of the day that she'd hold her baby and see the best version of herself.
But life doesn't stop when you are pregnant.
You are still you when you are pregnant.
One drink. Aren't there pregnant women who take a drink now and again and give birth just fine? Most everyone on the internet agrees that one drink is nothing, right?!
A little wine, maybe a small shot. Another drink, a little bigger this time. What harm could a little more do?! Who would know, who is getting hurt anyway?
What harm could alcohol do? It's not like the surgeon general requires warning labels. Don't most women drink wine to get pregnant and before they even know they are pregnant? Besides the pregnancy is almost at term now. Who's idea was it to deny yourself anyway?
Weeks pass and delivery day is here. So is the child.
He is born early and deformed. His face has a large hole where a nostril and the top of his mouth should have been. His cry is bone-piercing.
WHY?!
What kind of a God would allow this to happen?! HOW could this baby look and act so strange?!
WAIT.
How many little glasses of wine was that? Was it one small shot or two?
The horror and shame overwhelming. Too overwhelming to admit during the hospital intake.
Almost a year passes and the baby is soon to become son in a new family. This mother reads the doctor's report with her husband. The official diagnosis is four little letters that shatter the dreams that they had for their son.
They wrestle through a variety of emotions, sifting painfully through their options. Although the baby was not theirs, decide to keep him and make him forever son.
Ten hard years pass and the family endures much. The once baby bone-piercing cry has developed into a blood curdling scream with violent and often physically destructive rage. Two expensive stays in psychiatric day treatment facilities, lengthy meetings fighting to keep him in special ed with one school district and countless hours working with another to get all the necessary paperwork and endless meetings to make a workable plan. The bruises on this mom's body have faded...the scars on this heart in process to heal.
So many challenges and at times debilitating grief. This family refuses to give up. This is forever. This is a SON.
WHY?!
What kind of God would allow this to happen? How could this son look and act so unusually?!
WAIT.
CRY out to THE LORD. He brings relief and restoration. His timing is perfect. His plans are good. He is the giver of grace and creator of new dreams. Grace for a mom and grace for this mom.
God has brought some relief and once broken hearts mending. Several lives changed forever in that one drink.
Do NOT drink when you are pregnant. 40 weeks is not permanent, brain damage is.
Sorry...Not sorry.
Facts and definitions worth reading Expectant Mother
There is Hope
Monday, April 18, 2016
My Favorite Mile
Our family is passionate about two main things loving God while caring for the vulnerable and running. I'm really unsure of how running became our thing. It started as my thing to get away and has morphed into something far more valuable.
I am recovering from my 5th Half marathon an took my littles for a 1.10 recovery jog.
There is something precious about teaching my youngest son to run. Might be because I missed out on most of his firsts because he was 4 when we adopted him. Maybe it is because we don't have to talk much just to check form, traffic and I make sure to say encouraging type things every few minutes.
Whatever the reasons, we run. Today is my favorite 17:28 mile.
I am recovering from my 5th Half marathon an took my littles for a 1.10 recovery jog.
There is something precious about teaching my youngest son to run. Might be because I missed out on most of his firsts because he was 4 when we adopted him. Maybe it is because we don't have to talk much just to check form, traffic and I make sure to say encouraging type things every few minutes.
Whatever the reasons, we run. Today is my favorite 17:28 mile.
Monday, April 4, 2016
Freed by Jesus and Poncho After 20+ Years
Jesus knew all about the struggles of my heart. Those I admitted and those that I refused to agree were are there. I had allowed bondage to several lifelong fears. Convincing myself that if I refused to talk or pray about them then it was just past stuff from hard places...
not anything serious like bondage.
BUT they were are
Over time I've shackled myself to some fears. One of the never-intended-to-resolve fears.
FEAR of Riding Horses.
My fear of riding horses is rooted in a semi-dramatic experience. In short, at about age 12 I was nearly crushed by a horse. I resigned to never, ever, ever, ever ride a horse again. Admiring, petting and possibly owning a fuzzy mini-pony all great and totally doable. Riding an adult possible life-crushing horse. Not. Ever.
THEN.
An opportunity presented itself that I easily dismissed at first. Then again the idea crossed my mind and a third time. The Holy Spirit gently and persistently turning my heart to acknowledge the bondage that I carried for over 20 years. It was time to look at that event, acknowledge the nasty fear and be freed.
AND allow Jesus to work.
So, I went on a trail ride while on an adoptive/foster mom's retreat. My oldest daughter texted me a reminder that she was praying for me too. I prayed and gripped the saddle horn tightly as Jesus removed the rusted chains of those nasty fears. He reminded me as I rode I was not given a spirit of fear...not a slave to fear...no longer a slave to fear...
DONE.
I am freed from the fear of riding horses by Jesus and Poncho after 20+ years!
Sunday, August 23, 2015
But why do I have to have scars?
"But why do I have to have scars?"
I feel my heart twitch and my eyes sting a little as my youngest son questions his Dad that is massaging his scarred eyelid. I too struggle with that question.
At that moment all I could think of was the chorus to Steven Curtis Chapman's song, Beautiful Scars and open the music file on my computer. He sits on my lap as his Dad is still massaging his face and we talk about some of the words and the scars that Christ has for us. "Our wounded healer...suffered to set us free...reminders of the wounded love that has carried us this far." I sing the chorus and snuggle him a little closer.
In the desk drawer we have his adoption files and paperwork. I get the file of early pictures and advocacy articles. I open to an entry from his Nai Nai Jenny entitled "A Beautiful Heart, A Beautiful Mind". We read it out loud and I help him with some of the more challenging words. He reads about himself as a 3 year old. How smart, sweet and loving he was...and still is.
We talk about scars on the outside and that everyone has scars just sometimes the scars are on the inside. I assure him I have scars, but mostly on the inside. I remind him that he is as he was planned, born where he was born and when he was born...and that we loved him and all of his scars.
I feel my heart twitch and my eyes sting a little as my youngest son questions his Dad that is massaging his scarred eyelid. I too struggle with that question.
At that moment all I could think of was the chorus to Steven Curtis Chapman's song, Beautiful Scars and open the music file on my computer. He sits on my lap as his Dad is still massaging his face and we talk about some of the words and the scars that Christ has for us. "Our wounded healer...suffered to set us free...reminders of the wounded love that has carried us this far." I sing the chorus and snuggle him a little closer.
In the desk drawer we have his adoption files and paperwork. I get the file of early pictures and advocacy articles. I open to an entry from his Nai Nai Jenny entitled "A Beautiful Heart, A Beautiful Mind". We read it out loud and I help him with some of the more challenging words. He reads about himself as a 3 year old. How smart, sweet and loving he was...and still is.
We talk about scars on the outside and that everyone has scars just sometimes the scars are on the inside. I assure him I have scars, but mostly on the inside. I remind him that he is as he was planned, born where he was born and when he was born...and that we loved him and all of his scars.
Beautiful scars, so beautiful
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Wait to Be Invited
Hey __________,
I am so glad that you are allowing me to grow and complete you. You are my masterpiece and I am still at work. It may be hard for you to understand my ways and timing and that's okay. I ask that you continue to yield your fears for my boldness and wait. I made _________ and I have amazing plans for his life and his forever family. My plans and timing are perfect.
I am in all the details and I know what is best for my ________ and you. I already have it planned and it is amazing!!! So beyond anything you or other prayer mommies have asked.
Please keep seeking hard after me. Keep talking to me and listening to my voice. Leave your heart with me and trust my plan.
I have not forgotten you and I know my answer "to wait" has been challenging for you to accept.
Trust me, leave me to my plans in my way. Wait for me to invite you into whatever I have planned for your good and my glory.
I love you,
God
I am so glad that you are allowing me to grow and complete you. You are my masterpiece and I am still at work. It may be hard for you to understand my ways and timing and that's okay. I ask that you continue to yield your fears for my boldness and wait. I made _________ and I have amazing plans for his life and his forever family. My plans and timing are perfect.
I am in all the details and I know what is best for my ________ and you. I already have it planned and it is amazing!!! So beyond anything you or other prayer mommies have asked.
Please keep seeking hard after me. Keep talking to me and listening to my voice. Leave your heart with me and trust my plan.
I have not forgotten you and I know my answer "to wait" has been challenging for you to accept.
Trust me, leave me to my plans in my way. Wait for me to invite you into whatever I have planned for your good and my glory.
I love you,
God
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
A Healing Hallelujah
Walking alongside our children through their pain and into healing was unnatural for me. I truly thought that if we obeyed and followed hard after God to foster and adopt the children as he led our family would thrive and we would be spared some of the more challenging behaviors. I also thought that if I prayed hard enough and followed the medical and therapeutic plans during the first five years of his life, God would completely and miraculously heal my son's brain. I thought the same thing for our daughter's emotional challenges.
Almost 9 years and a completely "broken hallelujah" later, I stopped waiting for promises that were not Biblical and a miraculous healing that would not ever be. God's promises are true. He did not promise we would be problem free, nor did He promise we'd skip troublesome heart-breaking and faith-stretching challenges. Not because God cannot, but because He has confirmed that He is sufficient and so is His grace.
There has been healing, and a lot of it! Our son is mainstreamed in regular ed with special ed supports. He is far less aggressive towards me. He uses words more frequently than screams when he is upset. Our daughter chose Christ and her heart is far less stony. A child that once drew a picture of me in the oven crying as she stood outside the oven smiling now writes me love notes and gives the best hugs!
The healing that God has provided is miraculous and took place over many years. He has walked with us through our pain and healed us as we've walked alongside our children. Creating deep and healthy connections has required much more than I had to give. Thankful that He is immeasurably more and provider!
We are healing and God is faithful. He has healed my brokenness and is healing the hearts and minds of our children. Our family is thriving and that is a "healing hallelujah".
Almost 9 years and a completely "broken hallelujah" later, I stopped waiting for promises that were not Biblical and a miraculous healing that would not ever be. God's promises are true. He did not promise we would be problem free, nor did He promise we'd skip troublesome heart-breaking and faith-stretching challenges. Not because God cannot, but because He has confirmed that He is sufficient and so is His grace.
There has been healing, and a lot of it! Our son is mainstreamed in regular ed with special ed supports. He is far less aggressive towards me. He uses words more frequently than screams when he is upset. Our daughter chose Christ and her heart is far less stony. A child that once drew a picture of me in the oven crying as she stood outside the oven smiling now writes me love notes and gives the best hugs!
The healing that God has provided is miraculous and took place over many years. He has walked with us through our pain and healed us as we've walked alongside our children. Creating deep and healthy connections has required much more than I had to give. Thankful that He is immeasurably more and provider!
We are healing and God is faithful. He has healed my brokenness and is healing the hearts and minds of our children. Our family is thriving and that is a "healing hallelujah".
Monday, February 16, 2015
Wondering
Wondering what it must be like to experience your first Valentine's Day?
Did you make cards for your friends, did they make them for you?
Did you hear the words love, family, forever and ache?
Did you pray and wonder if there was a family that was praying and wondering too?
Did you make cards for your friends, did they make them for you?
Did you hear the words love, family, forever and ache?
Did you pray and wonder if there was a family that was praying and wondering too?
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Asking Questions
Our Life Group is doing a ladies study over The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst. It has been a great way for me to evaluate some of my past choices and the direction I'm heading.
There are many things I have wondered and fear has stopped me from asking. There are several pieces but no clear connections. The role I was ready for does not seem to be the one that is planned.
Tonight, over a week of praying yet holding onto fear I let it go.
I asked a question and I am waiting for Him to answer.
And He will.
There are many things I have wondered and fear has stopped me from asking. There are several pieces but no clear connections. The role I was ready for does not seem to be the one that is planned.
Tonight, over a week of praying yet holding onto fear I let it go.
I asked a question and I am waiting for Him to answer.
And He will.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Happy!
An amazing and beautiful video of what radiant joy looks and sounds like. Courtesy of these precious kiddos from Bethel China. Enjoy watching Danny and his friends!
Friday, January 30, 2015
Perspective
Recently, I was rummaging around a local antique store hunting for something unique and thrifty for our home. I looked around in the discounted room and saw something I just had to have.
Beauty.
It was a well used and pretty fragile clothes wringer. The manufacturer's name long gone from the faded and splitting wood. Gently, I cranked the rusty handle and the gears turned! I could see layers on layers of while powder shimmer on the working rolls.
Greatness!
There was something else I found, a shift in my perspective on laundry. I was looking at vintage laundry room decor, but God was showing me something better. He was changing my heart towards a daily chore and my uh, frenemy relationship with my washer.
Joy!
My washer is automatic once I load and put the detergent in it. Dirty clothes go in and soon our family of 7 has clean clothes. I don't crank any handles or wring and rinse for hours. One hour.
Boom!
I don't look forward to doing the laundry. But as I look at the vintage washer sitting on the shelf above my washing machine I can't help but feel relief and joy. Adding a few treasures and my grandmother's sewing kit the view is much better. My perspective and attitude towards my washer is improving.
Gratitude.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:15-17 NIV
Friday, January 16, 2015
Brave
Brave.
Alone I am not brave.
I fear both the present and the future for my older son. The more I research and read posts from other parents seeking answers and understanding the greater the fear grows. At times it is hard to breathe. There is no cure and most children with similar diagnoses have really depressing lifelong battles. I have been brought to the end of myself and then some. Parenting a child with special needs wasn't anything I ever asked for or planned.
Yet.
As I look up with whatever I have left in my heart and trust that God has a plan for our son. A plan that is for his good and ours. I slowly dare myself to hope. Hope that the life verse that we claimed for our son nearly 9 years ago are still true. Hope that God is just as powerful as I imagined He could be. Hope that moving forward and continuing to raise this surprising and challenging boy will bless his life and the lives of our 4 other children. Hope that God will sustain the godly people that are healthy and safe friends for us.
Grin.
This boy that has kicked holes in many walls. Punched and spat in my face. He camly jumps rope and asks me to count how far he can go. 8 jumps and then a miss as he laughs it off while he tries again. This boy of both sorrow and rage. An anger that is inexplicable and uncontrollable to all but You God. He runs over to me and for the third time in a week gives me a hug instead of the hit I am used to.
Brave.
How I want to be brave!
Alone I am a coward waiting for the thunderous rage to begin. Wondering how long before the next storm begins and how to repair the damage left behind in our hearts. How I want to be free and honor you God during our sons violent rages. I want to show my daughters that love doesn't hurt and my other son to cherish his one day-way-way-in-the-future-may-not-be-born-yet wife. I am trusting and hoping in you God to be brave.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. NIV
Alone I am not brave.
I fear both the present and the future for my older son. The more I research and read posts from other parents seeking answers and understanding the greater the fear grows. At times it is hard to breathe. There is no cure and most children with similar diagnoses have really depressing lifelong battles. I have been brought to the end of myself and then some. Parenting a child with special needs wasn't anything I ever asked for or planned.
Yet.
As I look up with whatever I have left in my heart and trust that God has a plan for our son. A plan that is for his good and ours. I slowly dare myself to hope. Hope that the life verse that we claimed for our son nearly 9 years ago are still true. Hope that God is just as powerful as I imagined He could be. Hope that moving forward and continuing to raise this surprising and challenging boy will bless his life and the lives of our 4 other children. Hope that God will sustain the godly people that are healthy and safe friends for us.
Grin.
This boy that has kicked holes in many walls. Punched and spat in my face. He camly jumps rope and asks me to count how far he can go. 8 jumps and then a miss as he laughs it off while he tries again. This boy of both sorrow and rage. An anger that is inexplicable and uncontrollable to all but You God. He runs over to me and for the third time in a week gives me a hug instead of the hit I am used to.
Brave.
How I want to be brave!
Alone I am a coward waiting for the thunderous rage to begin. Wondering how long before the next storm begins and how to repair the damage left behind in our hearts. How I want to be free and honor you God during our sons violent rages. I want to show my daughters that love doesn't hurt and my other son to cherish his one day-way-way-in-the-future-may-not-be-born-yet wife. I am trusting and hoping in you God to be brave.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. NIV
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Abide
Abide.
Abide in me.
Apart from me you can do nothing.
Abide. The being with God as He is doing.
Abide. He is joy and peace.
Abide.
Abide in me.
Apart from me you can do nothing.
Abide. The being with God as He is doing.
Abide. He is joy and peace.
Abide.
Friday, October 24, 2014
His Grace IS tasty
Crowder's song Come As You Are.
Come out...
Come find your mercy...
...come home you are not too far...
There's hope.
Come sit...
Come taste the grace.
Maybe this is what another David tasted in Psalm 34?
Today I choose His grace.
His grace IS tasty.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Rusty, but still works
We took a loooong break from blogging and formal ministry. Grateful
that Our Daddy does not need or ever takes a break. Sometimes He allows
us to see and experience glimpses of Himself.
His provision as wells are dug and meals are distributed hundreds of miles away.
His timing as a much needed vehicle is presented one Sunday morning.
His steadfast love expressed through a rose to the widows.
His respite for weary parents in an afternoon of free childcare.
His gentle touch as the feet of the homeless are cleaned.
His words as a mother speaks for her daughter who cannot.
His restoration as a vow is renewed.
His beauty, shamelessly radiant and deeper than congenital defects or surgical scars.
His compassion as a body partners to sponsor children.
His strong joy that sustains while trials rage.
His gift of family as an orphan becomes a son.
Sometimes we've misunderstood and expected sunflowers when He's planted daisies. Sometimes we were too distracted by the rocks that we chose to carry or the blisters we did not allow Him to heal. And sometimes, we just got tired and left the tools and the field.
Still He calls,
Still He loves,
Still He reminds us that the rake gets rusty, but still works.
His provision as wells are dug and meals are distributed hundreds of miles away.
His timing as a much needed vehicle is presented one Sunday morning.
His steadfast love expressed through a rose to the widows.
His respite for weary parents in an afternoon of free childcare.
His gentle touch as the feet of the homeless are cleaned.
His words as a mother speaks for her daughter who cannot.
His restoration as a vow is renewed.
His beauty, shamelessly radiant and deeper than congenital defects or surgical scars.
His compassion as a body partners to sponsor children.
His strong joy that sustains while trials rage.
His gift of family as an orphan becomes a son.
Sometimes we've misunderstood and expected sunflowers when He's planted daisies. Sometimes we were too distracted by the rocks that we chose to carry or the blisters we did not allow Him to heal. And sometimes, we just got tired and left the tools and the field.
Still He calls,
Still He loves,
Still He reminds us that the rake gets rusty, but still works.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
"Don't Try So Hard."
We love our kiddos because they are ours. Their behaviors and attitudes may change how enjoyable it is to be around them, but the love remains.
Blessings and boundaries. Growth and guidance. Beauty and brokenness. So many experiences in our parenting journey leading to these fab five children.
"You don't have to try so hard." The many times I've said this to my children, yet I did not believe this was a truth for me too.
In this transition and during this gift of time. Now.
"Aubrey, don't try so hard."
I hear His voice. Father, you are so good.
Romans 8
Don't Try So Hard
Amy Grant & James Taylor
Blessings and boundaries. Growth and guidance. Beauty and brokenness. So many experiences in our parenting journey leading to these fab five children.
"You don't have to try so hard." The many times I've said this to my children, yet I did not believe this was a truth for me too.
In this transition and during this gift of time. Now.
"Aubrey, don't try so hard."
I hear His voice. Father, you are so good.
Romans 8
Don't Try So Hard
Amy Grant & James Taylor
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
His Glory, His Way
God has allowed us to witness His glory firsthand. God, Our Provider, made a way for our friend, Elise and her faithful family to receive a wheelchair accessible van. His plans, Provision, timing and attention to detail even down to the color. Perfect.
He literally put on center stage His heart in the form of a van. He allowed His glory to be seen.
His Love for Elise and her family.
His Provision supplied.
His elevation and approval of His daughter, Elise.
We and the hundreds of supporters, prayer warriors in the home church congregation and The Pastors saw proof that HE IS all and more than we asked for.
A while later when the crowd had gone away and there were a few folks visiting and rejoicing over God's provision I was able to get a closer look at the van. Elise happened to be sitting beside it and began to stir. I went near her and began to pat and smooth her head. I leaned in and said to her in between pats by her ear, " Thank you. Thank you. You have changed everything....thank you."
Jehovah Jireh, Provider. This is His name.
His glory, in His Way.
He IS God!
He literally put on center stage His heart in the form of a van. He allowed His glory to be seen.
His Love for Elise and her family.
His Provision supplied.
His elevation and approval of His daughter, Elise.
We and the hundreds of supporters, prayer warriors in the home church congregation and The Pastors saw proof that HE IS all and more than we asked for.
A while later when the crowd had gone away and there were a few folks visiting and rejoicing over God's provision I was able to get a closer look at the van. Elise happened to be sitting beside it and began to stir. I went near her and began to pat and smooth her head. I leaned in and said to her in between pats by her ear, " Thank you. Thank you. You have changed everything....thank you."
Jehovah Jireh, Provider. This is His name.
His glory, in His Way.
He IS God!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Duck, Duck Goose and a New Friend
I have so many memories of playing duck duck goose with my own children, children in my classroom and on mission trips. Their joy is contagious! Getting the kiddos together to form a circle-like shape can be an awkward challenge. Often children want to be near by their closest friends or the known fast runners. Sometimes the quieter children or children new to the group have a harder time at first. Soon, the game gets going and everyone is taking turns to run and to chose the goose. The sounds of clapping and cheering each other on, replace earlier awkwardness. Usually, all children are laughing especially when the teachers try to catch the really fast runners! Good times!
Recently, I was with a group of kindergarten and first grade children getting ready to play duck duck goose. Helping to guide the children to make a circle-like shape. Watching as several children not-so-subtly refuse to grab hands with a particular child, complaining loudly, and even going as far as to move to the other side of the room or sit in the middle of the circle-like shape. Eventually the children sit down and the game begins. Soon, the familiar sounds of laughing, cheering and clapping are heard. One by one the chidlren take turns mostly, giving everyone a turn. Some kids taking two or three turns.
I watched the same child that had trouble getting others sit beside him was one of 3 that were still waiting to be picked. Another teacher helps to guide the children to select someone that hasn't had a turn. One of the 3 waiting children is selected.
Soon one of the other waiting children turns to me and says, "Where my turn?"
Tears sting my eyes, because it is my son.
I was very much aware of the other children staring at him, moving away from him or loudly complaining. I was sitting behind the circle and saw how many of the children walked past him without tapping the top of his head.
Duck, duck...ouch!
I struggled to have a gentle answer and positive words for him. Managing a smile and mumbling, "Soon." while silently praying and pleading for him to be picked.
Thankfully, he is selected soon and the game continues. The children start to just run and I see the boys that were complaining the loudest now running with a new friend.
Thank you God for my son, that shows such grace to others and loves with your heart.
This boy is amazing:)
Recently, I was with a group of kindergarten and first grade children getting ready to play duck duck goose. Helping to guide the children to make a circle-like shape. Watching as several children not-so-subtly refuse to grab hands with a particular child, complaining loudly, and even going as far as to move to the other side of the room or sit in the middle of the circle-like shape. Eventually the children sit down and the game begins. Soon, the familiar sounds of laughing, cheering and clapping are heard. One by one the chidlren take turns mostly, giving everyone a turn. Some kids taking two or three turns.
I watched the same child that had trouble getting others sit beside him was one of 3 that were still waiting to be picked. Another teacher helps to guide the children to select someone that hasn't had a turn. One of the 3 waiting children is selected.
Soon one of the other waiting children turns to me and says, "Where my turn?"
Tears sting my eyes, because it is my son.
I was very much aware of the other children staring at him, moving away from him or loudly complaining. I was sitting behind the circle and saw how many of the children walked past him without tapping the top of his head.
Duck, duck...ouch!
I struggled to have a gentle answer and positive words for him. Managing a smile and mumbling, "Soon." while silently praying and pleading for him to be picked.
Thankfully, he is selected soon and the game continues. The children start to just run and I see the boys that were complaining the loudest now running with a new friend.
Thank you God for my son, that shows such grace to others and loves with your heart.
This boy is amazing:)
Friday, January 31, 2014
Wow, I'm disconnected!
We've outgrown our house. Over the summer I began working on updating and decluttering to make selling and moving easier. We've never moved with children before and well, moving with 5 kids is very intimidating and takes a LOT of planning! We have really great kids and they have helped out a lot. Their rooms are so clean and organized!! They helped pick out what toys to have out and what could go in storage or be given away. Very grateful.
Prayerfully, we started making plans to build or buy a house that could work for us now and as the kids grow. We started to dream and look carefully at our budget. (maybe I dreamed more and glanced at the budget) Through the process, it became clear that it wasn't just a house that we were needing, it was connection. Connection and a sense of belonging in our community.
Wow, I am disconnected!!!
Our area is really great and we have acquaintances here, but we are not connected. Our church is also great and we have acquaintances there and some deepening friendships, but we are really disconnected there too. Our family is unique and there are some challenges in raising children with special needs that I am still learning how to navigate. One of the biggest challenges I face is vulnerability, letting others see deeper inside my heart and our family. Other challenges are safety and privacy. It is hard to carry on a conversation with someone while making sure my 5 creative and often adventuresome kiddos are safe and reasonably well behaved. It does get really uncomfortable being asked personal questions about our children and family in a large group setting by people that I have just met or those that happen to be nearby and see me with our kiddos. I've tried to be godly while giving gentle and appropriate answers...but if you've read any of my other posts you already know that doesn't always happen;)
So we started praying and really looking at our family's housing needs but more importantly our family's need to be connected. It is amazing that in years of ministry, serving, teaching, trainings and Biblical study we didn't see how fundamental (and really crucial for ministry to gain traction and support) being connected was. Honestly, I had to admit to God that I had let past hurts, my failures and fears about being rejected personally and as a family keep me so guarded with others that real connection really wasn't possible.
Ouch, owning my stuff hurts.
BUT like the Daddy I have, He has given grace and brought some really amazing people to my life that my family and I have been getting to know better. He has allowed me to see His glory and His connectedness.
He created a world-a place filled with people created for connection, offering up his own son as proof of His love and deep desire to remain connected with people.
He connected a community- to rally together to love and support a precious family's efforts to secure a wheelchair accessible van. This precious daughter, Elise, has accomplished incredible things to raise awareness, encourage others and give God's message of hope. Read her story and about her family's journey here.
He connected a family-a far away orphan with severe facial disfigurements became an accepted and beautifully connected son, my son. Hudson has the biggest heart and has taught me and so many around him the depth of God's love, faithfulness and provision. This little blessing is awesome!!!
There are many more connections to come.
For now, our house is under contract and set to close in a month. We have plans to stay in the area to finish out the school year and participate in the isd's summer camps:) Our heart's desire is to be open to His leading, deeply connected to God first, and moving to a closer connection with others in whatever community He places us. For our good,His glory...and hopefully some more space for the 7 of us:)
Prayerfully, we started making plans to build or buy a house that could work for us now and as the kids grow. We started to dream and look carefully at our budget. (maybe I dreamed more and glanced at the budget) Through the process, it became clear that it wasn't just a house that we were needing, it was connection. Connection and a sense of belonging in our community.
Wow, I am disconnected!!!
Our area is really great and we have acquaintances here, but we are not connected. Our church is also great and we have acquaintances there and some deepening friendships, but we are really disconnected there too. Our family is unique and there are some challenges in raising children with special needs that I am still learning how to navigate. One of the biggest challenges I face is vulnerability, letting others see deeper inside my heart and our family. Other challenges are safety and privacy. It is hard to carry on a conversation with someone while making sure my 5 creative and often adventuresome kiddos are safe and reasonably well behaved. It does get really uncomfortable being asked personal questions about our children and family in a large group setting by people that I have just met or those that happen to be nearby and see me with our kiddos. I've tried to be godly while giving gentle and appropriate answers...but if you've read any of my other posts you already know that doesn't always happen;)
So we started praying and really looking at our family's housing needs but more importantly our family's need to be connected. It is amazing that in years of ministry, serving, teaching, trainings and Biblical study we didn't see how fundamental (and really crucial for ministry to gain traction and support) being connected was. Honestly, I had to admit to God that I had let past hurts, my failures and fears about being rejected personally and as a family keep me so guarded with others that real connection really wasn't possible.
Ouch, owning my stuff hurts.
BUT like the Daddy I have, He has given grace and brought some really amazing people to my life that my family and I have been getting to know better. He has allowed me to see His glory and His connectedness.
He created a world-a place filled with people created for connection, offering up his own son as proof of His love and deep desire to remain connected with people.
He connected a community- to rally together to love and support a precious family's efforts to secure a wheelchair accessible van. This precious daughter, Elise, has accomplished incredible things to raise awareness, encourage others and give God's message of hope. Read her story and about her family's journey here.
He connected a family-a far away orphan with severe facial disfigurements became an accepted and beautifully connected son, my son. Hudson has the biggest heart and has taught me and so many around him the depth of God's love, faithfulness and provision. This little blessing is awesome!!!
There are many more connections to come.
For now, our house is under contract and set to close in a month. We have plans to stay in the area to finish out the school year and participate in the isd's summer camps:) Our heart's desire is to be open to His leading, deeply connected to God first, and moving to a closer connection with others in whatever community He places us. For our good,His glory...and hopefully some more space for the 7 of us:)
Friday, September 20, 2013
This Teacher
I stepped into her world, I could not help myself.
Her existence, a challenge to value system, cultural belief and the meaning in life.
Her smiles, reminders of joy during intense moments of pain.
Her laughter softens a calloused heart.
Her silky hair dances free from atrophy under the colorful night lights.
She speaks loudly without possessing the gift of language.
The Almighty, His steadfast love radiates from her porcelain skin.
This teacher who does not have the ability to move her own body efficiently has stirred millions to step into her world and passionately step out for Christ.
This teacher, Elise.
You can read more about her and her family here Life with Elise
Her existence, a challenge to value system, cultural belief and the meaning in life.
Her smiles, reminders of joy during intense moments of pain.
Her laughter softens a calloused heart.
Her silky hair dances free from atrophy under the colorful night lights.
She speaks loudly without possessing the gift of language.
The Almighty, His steadfast love radiates from her porcelain skin.
This teacher who does not have the ability to move her own body efficiently has stirred millions to step into her world and passionately step out for Christ.
This teacher, Elise.
You can read more about her and her family here Life with Elise
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